Ceremony Options

So we've got the dress, we'll figure out where to do the deed at some point, and that left how to do the ceremony. Kent and Pat had thoughtfully passed along some wedding templates, each with charming designations such as the Petunia, the Moonstone, the Topaz, and even, somewhat oddly, the Nicotiana, (pictured above, and a dubious inspiration for a marriage template if I ever heard of one, though I suppose if you're a nicotine addict Flowering Tobacco has its matrimonial appeal).

I, on the other hand, had a more refined inspiration for the occasion, and one morning I woke up here at our crib (that's hip-hop for home for all you wannabe gangstas) channeling... um, rap.


Yes, rap. So much more than words. I think there is also sometimes a beat. No music, though. Forget a memorable tune. And though words are involved, many of them are unintelligible, and the rest of them are either insulting or otherwise offensive. (Jay-Z, Tupac, Mr. BrainWash, Kanye West, Lil Wayne, 50-Cent, NO-Centz, 'NGlorious Basterd, Notorious B.I.G., and Infamous A.B.C. - feel free to include your own favorite rap artist here - notwithstanding.)

It's true, I have heretofore failed to grasp rap's appeal (try saying that fast three times).

Sorry, Nat.

But that didn't stop me. It all started with "It don't take no tax accountant" rolling around in my head, and the rest followed, as follows.

IT DON’T TAKE NO TAX ACCOUNTANT

You call this a shotgun weddin’?
It’s more than that, you’d best be bettin’
Sure, we gather on this fine day
At the behest of our CPA
But it don’t take no tax accountant -
Bring the debt – our love surmount it
Take your dollars and go figure
We got love that’s gettin’ bigger
We got time that’s gettin’ shorter
With what’s left we will cavort, or
We’ll just revel in our doldrums.
When you think, y’know it all comes
Down to this, if you got kisses -
You got Mr.’s, you got Ms.’s -
You got kids you want to teach to
‘Bout knowing how to each do
The whole business of relationship -
Well, it ain’t easy, you gonna trip
You gonna struggle, could divorce
But just remember: there’s a force
Even stronger than your ego
It controls us, wherever we go
Shows the lesson, if you learn it
Gives the blessing, if you earn it
The best in you, the best in me
Will help us find our Destiny.

It’s not about no damn tax table
It’s showin’ y’all that we are able
To grow together, and apart:
To split yet find we share one heart
A life that’s blessed with you and me
A life that’s birthed this fam-i-ly
(Including that old canine charmer
Right here now – the one called Karma)

Looked like this was all just practical?
Turns out it is more didactical
A chance to share a philoso-“fee”:
The love starts here with you and me
We can add or subtract, we can sure save money
But this here’s a fact: it’s all good…with my honey.

By golly, we were just about ready for this affair.